I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
