I swear she didn't look like that last week.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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