Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
