2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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