Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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