and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
