I'm going to jail i love you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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