They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
