gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
