dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
