now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
