I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
