fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
MIDGETS
????
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
