Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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