he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
