I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
