theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
