and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!