You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line