Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.