i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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