I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
