I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
