talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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