I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
