she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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