Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
