Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
