dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
