We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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