OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
