I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
