And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
