I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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