My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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