I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
