My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
