Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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