oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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