I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.