his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So much Jack, so little girl.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i believe in u and ur pee