That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?