there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha