my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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