Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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