the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
