Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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