maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
