went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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