hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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