Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
