half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
