I just cut my nipple shaving
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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