Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
