You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
