I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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