they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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