the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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