best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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