u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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