Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
