party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
