I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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