this beer tastes like vomit already
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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