yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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