i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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