wakey wakey hands off snakey
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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