It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there was a trapeze. enough said
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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