some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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