Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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