I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
