see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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