ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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