I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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