I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
