Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
