margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
